JANENE NELSON
"Prepare your child for the path, not the path for the child"

Having just turned 50, I realize years ago that would have seemed really old. Now that I'm here, I think of it as an accomplishment. I am reasonably fit, more emotionally mature than in former years, and feel I have grown steadily in knowledge and wisdom. I acknowledge there are a few twinges I didn't have 10, 15, or 20 years ago, and abilities I once had are somewhat lessened; but I find it a very peaceful time in my life. I am comfortable with myself.

I was born and raised on a farm east of Humboldt, Iowa, the youngest of four. We were spread out over a span of 16 years. When I was born, my brother was 16; and I have two sisters —one six years, the other four years older than I We didn't have a lot in common, and there were no neighborhood kids — nobody my age out in the country where I grew up. That gave me and my imagination plenty of time.

I was the stereotypical tomboy, a busy little person that ran around outside and had to be scrub brushed every night. I had a great love of animals and the outdoors, spending a lot of time with Dad outdoors experiencing farm life — crops and livestock and nurturing baby animals. My dad would give me the runt pigs to bottle-feed. He also bought calves at the salebarn for me to raise. I'm certain we ate all of them.

I consider I had a wonderful childhood in which I had to entertain myself a lot. I had loving parents, although their personalities were opposite — an easy-going, outdoor, farm father and the neat, tidy, prim and proper mother. Dad taught me farm life, Mother taught me cooking, housekeeping, and sewing. It was a really great time, but difficult because of my parents' turbulent marriage, which ended in divorce in my senior year of high school. Wonderful things, stressful things; but that is all a part of what makes us who we are.

My love of animals was equal to or even exceeded by my great love of children, so I spent a lot of time babysitting from ninth through twelfth grades. At that time most teenagers didn't work. We were kids, then teens, and grew up just as expected. I had always had a love for Colorado. In high school we talked about where we all wanted to live. That was the John Denver, Rocky Mountain High era. My desire was just "to get out of this small town, and go to the mountains!"

It is interesting that Denver seemed to have an all action for all our family. All three siblings lived there over the course of time and my dad had sisters and their children out there. It was a nice family connection. When I was in ninth grade, my oldest sister and my brother were living there. I am not sure how it happened for me to go out and visit the first time on my own. I didn't know anything about the train but Dad got me a ticket and took me on a very long ride from northern Iowa, to board AMTRAK here in Osceola. That was when the train came through at midnight. It was pretty awful to make that long trip, and to make it worse, the train didn't always arrive and depart on time, and still doesn't. But I loved the train. They used to have a piano in the club car and I could sit there and listen to them play on the little Baby Grand. The train certainly offers a little bit of everything from everywhere.

This became part of my regular schedule. My sister, four years older, worked for a doctor who had three children. They needed a sitter for the summer, so during the summers of my tenth and eleventh grades, I lived with my sister in Denver, drove in the big city through the suburbs and all the traffic, and took care of three beautiful little children. They had a lovely house, and a huge outdoor pool! Here I am, coming off the farm in northern Iowa, to experience life in the city, in another culture — Jewish to boot, spending my days in a suburban home in a much higher income bracket. I had a lot of fun! My sister and I had great times attending many summer concerts, sight-seeing, and enjoying many restaurants beyond the scope of Iowa.

Another aspect of that was, I developed a love of skiing. We had a little ski lodge a couple miles north of our farm in Humboldt, and I worked in the snack bar in ski season. Learning to ski was natural, and when my siblings located in Colorado, it was additional joy to go skiing in the mountains. The doctor's family had a condo in Breckridge, Colorado, so we had a place to stay and ski. I also had reasons to visit during summer, Christmas, and spring breaks.

In those years, all I really knew was that I wanted to be married and have a family. Because of my love for children, my dream and goal in life was to be a mom. Suddenly graduation came and I thought, "What am I going to do?" My parents had their issues, and nobody had been steering me like they do today, guiding children to think about, plan, and prepare for their future. It didn't happen much back then. We were just kind of left on our own to figure it out.

The summer after graduation, I went out to do six weeks of the nanny life again, but a relationship pulled me back. I returned to Iowa not knowing what to do. I was kind of pushed by my parents to consider college, but to prepare for what career? Children were still uppermost in my thinking, and I decided I wanted to do child care. So off I went to DMACC (Des Moines Area Community College) in Ankeny where my next older sister had gone. The Child Development program was full, so the only other choice was Developmental Disabilities — kids with special needs. I am thankful it happened as it did, because I found I was more interested in kids who had developmental issues. This course changed my life.

Still in the later '70s, D-MACC was on quarters, not semesters, no month off at Christmas, and instead of summer vacation, we continued through the summer The program I was in was geared for 11 months. It was a very intensive program, and those who had enrolled thinking it was just "baby-sitting" children, dropped out when they discovered it was quite challenging and demanding. I had some wonderful experiences and some exceptional instructors who really guided me into what was then called "Emotional Disabilities," referred to now as "Behavioral Disabilities."

We worked in environments like Orchard Place, a residential facility for BD children; and Douglas Learning Center for troubled teens, which formerly was in the "Y(MCA)" in downtown Des Moines. It is comparable to our alternative school for high school students. I wasn't much older than they were at the time, but I decided this was where my interest actually was. Possibly it stems back to my own childhood and the stress I felt from my parents' marital issues. Many of these children had experienced turbulent lives. Again, there was a difference between then and now. People didn't get divorced in the 70s. It didn't happen. My parents were the only ones I knew who divorced. It was really a difficult time. I had and still have great empathy with children whose lives aren't the smoothest ride.

I graduated and was offered a job in the Des Moines Public Schools. They had a lot of teacher associates but none of them had formal training. They were just people who had a desire to work with students. A district consultant sought me out through our program because this was the first class to graduate. I didn't really think I wanted that job, but my instructor pushed me, saying, "Take it!" My dad said, "Take this job! It is a good job working for the public school, and there's IPERS (Iowa Public Employee Retirement System)! " I thought, "OK, I'll give it a try," and I stayed for nearly 15 years. I worked my first two years in a Des Moines Child Guidance Center, which is very well known. It is a day-hospital program housed in connection with Methodist Hospital, for severely emotionally disturbed children. There was a staff of Des Moines school teachers and aides, in addition to a mental health staff. At the age of 19, I gained a tremendous educational experience working with psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers. The knowledge I acquired was instrumental in my pursuing this field. It was a time of really intensive, stressful work, but after two years, I knew I needed to get away from it. During this time, I did attend evening classes at D-MACC and earned my AA degree in 1980.

I went to Wallace Elementary School on the east side of Des Moines, near Lutheran Hospital. I worked with several different teachers over the course of 13 years. Teachers come and go, move on, take different jobs, or retire. I worked with a lot of skilled people in different age groups. For me it was another wonderful learning experience, which helped in parenting my own children.

In the midst of all that, I had a "practice marriage" from 1983 to '90. I had stayed in the Ankeny area for awhile, then I moved with my first husband into the country near Slater. I always commuted to Des Moines. We divorced without my ever having children and I still had the longing in my heart because of that sense of incompleteness.

I continued my work at Wallace, but moved from our acreage in Slater back into Ankeny and lived in an apartment. In 1991, I met Tim Nelson from Osceola at a country bar in Ankeny. I had taken an extra job at a restaurant in Des Moines to help support myself. I happened to have a night off when he happened to be there. I was there with a friend for an evening out. Tim approached our booth and asked me to dance. I turned him down and told him, "No thanks, not now." He turned to walk away but came back, grabbed my hand, and off to the dance floor we went. We've been together ever since.

Our wedding was unique, but to set the stage, I have to go back a few years to ninth grade when I first experienced train travel. That became a ritual. As I mentioned, for many years prior to my moving here, I would come to Osceola, board the train, and go to Denver to stay with my sister. I came to know the interesting people who were on the train from all over the country, and the intriguing lives of the people who worked the train. They would board in California, work until they reached Chicago, or get off in between — I loved it all! I loved the sound, I loved the people, and I loved the little Osceola train station. I was always fascinated with the toilet. There was the tank on the wall and the handle that hung down. I would always tell people, "Go in the bathroom! You've got to go in the bathroom!" And the ticket window was behind glass, the old benches — it was always a step back in time.

Putting the stories together, meeting my husband in '91, we are both in our 30s, Tim has daughters, and we didn't want any big splash for our wedding. It was his idea to marry at the AMTRAK depot. We invited our parents, but it was November, and that year there was a big ice storm in northern Iowa. My family couldn't come. They were recuperating from the previous days without power. It was terribly cold and awful. Even though my parents couldn't come, Tim's father and his wife attended as did Tim's daughters and his brother.

However, much to our surprise, Pat Green and Junior Black, who tended the depot, had a cake baked and decorated by Pat, set up on a table with simple decorations and beverages to toast. These two, who were just there when I was taking the train, whom I only knew and said "Hi" to, put together a little celebration for us. Tim found a minister, who came and married us in front of the ticket window! It was just delightful. This was about 7:00 at night, and the weather was cold and awful. The witnesses to our marriage were people boarding the train or picking up passengers. That was our guest list outside of the family members who made it. It was so unique and funny, we still laugh about it.

The part of the story my husband loves most was the booth we sat in when we met that night in Ankeny. The night we were married, we went there to celebrate. We walked in, and the same booth opened up as we arrived. What are the chances? It was just another crazy thing! It's all about timing.

I continued to work in Des Moines and commuted for two years until I gave birth to our first son. When I left for Christmas in 1992, that was it. Colton was supposed to be born on New Years Eve but was a little late. He was born on January 7, 1993. I put in 14 1/2 years and a couple years of summer school. Either they were generous or counted my summer school terms, because they awarded me my 15-year cup — my coffee mug and key chain. Our second son, Garrett, was born on September 30, 1995.

The place Tim and I originally lived was at his acreage by the new Clarke County Fair Grounds. We moved into town and had our boys, but we both were still longing to be in the country. Neither of us are city folk. We considered building a log home. We were trying to find a place close but yet out of town. We looked at a lot of places. We were boaters, going to Rathbun, and we'd driven on highway 34 east for a long time, when we learned about J.D. Patterson's ground just past East Lake Park. It was kind of an abandoned farm — a barn, a granary, which most people would regard more as a corn crib, but its exterior walls were solid. There was a shed for cattle. Tim inquired about it and we bought the 76 acres in 1997, and sold our home on Webster (the Riley house) even before we listed it. The Park had intentions to purchase the ground, but didn't have the money at the time J.D. wanted to sell. Again, timing was everything. We were lucky.

I thought my husband was really nuts, although he is really good at envisoning things. He had this vision of renovating the granery and living in it! It was pretty awful. The building was standing there with unmown grass growing all around it, and a red barn. Walking in, there was a corn crib alley, a grain storage area, then the livestock access to the east with a big bunk all along the wall, and dead animals and the things they leave behind. It smelled, and we could see day­light through the walls. I couldn't picture this at all. At the same time Tim is running a used car lot and keeping a car wash running, he decided he was going to do the work himself. I had two small children to deal with. I had my doubts but I agreed, because I really wanted to live and raise our sons in the country. Our intentions were to renovate the granary to live in temporarily and build on our ground later. We've now been here 12 years and we're quite content.

Tim started work on the house and got as far as starting to floor the loft and cutting a couple doorways into the grain storage area, when he decided he didn't have enough time for this. We were fortunate to come upon Robin Short, who is a very skilled contractor. He came with wonderful ideas, did what we asked, worked by the hour and turned this shack into a home. He was terrific to work with. He is the reason it turned out so well. Robin would be out there working, and I could pop in and check on things. We preserved what we could of the flooring and walls.

I worked on the house at night when Tim was home with the kids, because I didn't have anyone to watch them. I did the finish work on all the wood we put in. In our garage on Webster, I had 100+ boards which I stained while the kids were napping. Robin did all the painting. It was a cold fall and the mice were plentiful. They would eat the poison and run crazy at me and into the walls. As I think about it, I wouldn't do it again. It was pretty scary being out there alone. We really put a lot of our own time and a lot of love into it. We moved in ten days before Christmas, December 15, 1997. It turned out to be a wonderful, cozy little home. We hurried and put up a tree and got through our first holiday with the boys, then 2 and 4 1/2 years old. We've loved it ever since. I could live out my life here.

When our sons were still young and willing to travel with Mom, I shared my love of the train with them. I still had a sister living in Denver so we made three train trips to visit her. The kids loved it, too. We would board the train and I'd share the experience of going to the dining car, where we were seated with strangers, riding through the night, sleeping in our seats, getting up, washing, rocking all the way. In the morning, you watch as the mountains appear and you roll through the trainyards of Denver. Union station in Denver is just beautiful, so historical —another step back in time. Parenthetically, I'm so glad our depot will be preserved. It seems important for the community, and holds wonderful memories for us personally. I'm delighted the train cuts across the back side of our current home. We joke about having our own train set.

My mom passed away suddenly in 1997, from a massive heart attack. My kids were little — Garrett doesn't even remember her as he was only two. That a was a traumatic event. I really needed my mom to be a grandma to them and a help to me. That was a huge loss for all of us. I didn't have the sense of family support she provided. It was another reason I am grateful I didn't have to work. I could take care of my kids to try to make up for that absence, that loss.

Mom had never remarried. My father had remarried twice. His second wife passed away. He married again and then he passed away two years ago, in August 2007. He had continued to farm well into his 80s. My parents had grown comfortable with one another over the years, so we had holidays together — us kids and our families, still sharing in the traditions of a Scandanavian upbringing — lutefisk, lefse, etc.

In 2000, Tim sold his shop in Osceola and moved the business to our home. He set up temporarily between the house and the barn, until his new building was complete. That is when it was covered in cedar and once we did that, the house had to match, much to my dismay. After all the coats of red paint I had put on not long before, I was rather distressed we had to do something else again. I missed the traditional red barn and white windows. But I loved it once we had it done.

The result of Tim putting his building up on the hill is we are all together all the time. It has been wonderful for the boys because now our kids get to spend so much time with Dad. Most Dads go off to jobs, away from home, and come home for supper. Their dad is here. Our boys have also had the wonderful benefit of Mom being home. I haven't worked since our oldest was born, so they have had a full-time Mom, and since 2000, they have had Dad at home. I've also spent a lot of time with Tim. Because I didn't work, we could spend time together during the day. So the four of us have had the benefit of being a part of the business so close by. The boys have learned about the business and are both very motivated to be a part of that. As they have gotten older, they have acquired more skills and had more responsibilities, and this year (2009) has been a wonderful summer because the boys are nearly 14 and 16 1/2, and they can do so much more now. It has been great to spend this much time with them. It has helped mold them and keep them on the right path and focused on their future.

We have seen our boys through soccer, some baseball, and scouting. Though they are not involved in school or community activities, they do very well academically. That's our focus here at home — academics are top  priority. I'd like to give us some credit for that. They spend nearly all their free time between Tim and me, between our home and the business on one site. Despite being teenagers, they are such enjoyable kids. They are easy to be with, pleasant to be around. We have a large quantity of quality time. Meals together are high on the list. It's the ideal time to share and connect.

In addition to our two boys, Tim has two daughters from his first marriage. There are four grandchildren and they all live within 10 miles of us. Although the girls drifted away for awhile, they have returned to Clarke County so our kids are all in school together. They are more like cousins than anything. It's good to be located in the same area.

I continue to be extremely interested in school life beyond my employment in Des Moines. As my boys entered school, I have volunteered half days for each of their kindergarten and first grade years. I seem to have gone full circle from being a child in school, a school employee, a parent and volunteer, and now a substitute employee. I'm thankful for the knowledge I gained as a college student and an employee. This has helped me be a better parent guiding my own children, with a level of understanding the school system, how it operates, and why it operates the way it does. We have a great school, we have great people, and I love being a part of it, so much so I now substitute as a Teachers' Assistant here at Clarke, including our Village Preschool.

There is so much any willing person can do by becoming involved.. It is good for our children to know that adults care about their school, and that transfers to their perfouuance. They take more pride in themselves when they know an adult is there showing an interest. Parents can explain a lot of things and have a better understanding of their school expectations if they are more familiar and have connections with the staff.

Personally, I just never quit. As our kids get older, there isn't the daily classroom need, but there are other ways to stay in touch. I was there for the inception of the Parents, Teachers, Community (PTCO). The year it started I was active, and then I pulled away for awhile. For years I have assisted our school nurses as they test students' hearing in the fall, and Dr. Hoadley with vision screening. It is enjoyable to pop in and see all the kids and the staff and do something helpful. Some people donate items and write checks, but I feel best when I give my time because so many parents are working and aren't available to do that.

There is another way in which I satisfy my child-oriented, school-related commitment. Since our oldest was in kindergarten, I have regularly attended Clarke School Board meetings. My interest began due to a particular issue that caught my attention, and one meeting led to another. In February 2009, I finished my tenth year of attending their meetings regularly. I've missed a couple but it has become a great passion for me. It is another aspect of the school and community, witnessing the nuts and bolts operation of our school district. I am quite well known for that and people regularly ask, "Are you still going to Board meetings?" Yes, I've been sitting there, keeping notes on my agendas, and watching the evolution of Board members as they come and go. It is so interesting for me to attend and learn about that other part of our school district —not volunteering, not working, not being a parent, but being a community member, watching and learning more about how our school works. This is a huge part of our community, and I am hooked!

I've been encouraged to run for election, but I have too many friends who are school employees. That is a drawback of a small community where everyone is so interconnected. I wouldn't want to tarnish any relationships with the staff or compromise our business. The Board's decisions affect tax dollars, and that becomes a very personal, touchy issue. I have huge admiration for those who do run because it requires a lot of time to be given by people with a great responsibility for our students and staff. It isn't just a couple meetings a month. There is a lot of work and a lot of information they have to sift through. Even though it's a not-for-profit entity, it is a business, and its business is to make the school tick. For me, meetings are a great place to go and learn. It gives me knowledge that I can share with other people who bring up questions and concerns. I can explain the why of something they may not understand. That is the culmination of having been an employee, a parent, and volunteer. I can see why things work and why they happen as they do. I hate to skip a meeting because there is a carry-over from meeting to meeting, and I might miss something.

There are so many opportunities to become involved by volunteering. Becky Perry Sexton reeled me in to help with Toys for Christmas years ago. She started me out by putting me to work wrapping gifts. I discovered the joy was not just the satisfaction of helping with a cause, but being with different groups of people. In this case, it was a different generation who normally aren't involved in activities of my peer group. Their interests were different than mine, but what a wonderful experience. I've become more and more involved in that program. Year before last my dad had passed away in August. I felt the waves of sorrow at Christmas, and helping with that gave me an outlet. I've found it a general rule, whatever a kindness does for anyone else, it does more for the one who gives it.

This last year I was more eager than ever to be involved. Our kids were older so the former Christmases with Santa emphasis and decorating and all those home things have become less demanding than they had been. That has left me more time to give. It's great to be more involved and more generous with my time. The joy of the people you can be around, the Toys program led by Dianne and Joan, the Food Pantry with Elva and Janie make it so rewarding.

And then the clothing give-away at the Methodist Church which I've helped with twice, is another delightful volunteer event with more new people. That goes back to what feels good about being at my age with this level of maturity, and how I see things differently. It is interesting to look back at people who were goofy kids in high school and how they have grown to be productive citizens, the career choices of those kids. How we all change — actually we evolve. To see that in myself— I never would have thought of becoming as interested in community things. I most enjoy spontaneous, short term things. I still have to help my husband with our business. Those short teim events are best for me.

That goes back to realizing who my mom was, and suddenly to know I have become my mother. She was always helping somebody in some way through organizations and care-giving to the ill and dying, now I am doing helpful things, too.

Our sons are mechanical guys with a motor awareness, which they come by naturally. Tim was always into anything automotive, which has another facet — racing. He had been involved with racing from his youth into his adult life. He raced for six years while the boys were younger. They have just completed Year 4 and Year 2 of racing themselves. It doesn't require prophetic powers to predict the next step — to give our boys focus and keep them interested in making Clarke County their adult home, to provide entertainment for families and the community with another attraction to promote tourism. So now the three of them are working on Clarke County Speedway here at our home. I thought this was quite an undertaking. I wasn't sure I was on board for this any more than I was for moving into a granery. But I acknowledged Tim has a greater vision than I do, so we have all proceeded.

The proposal was announced, but there have been several years involved in the process. We received approval from the Board of Adjustment for a variance to put a dirt race track on our property. We were met with opposition from some neighbors and a law suit was filed against us and the Board of Adjustment.. It was a very long ordeal to get through, but after we completed the legal processes, we finally were able to come to an agreement on conditions and teams, and it was resolved without a judge's order.

In the meantime, we circulated petitions to discover community support, and it was strong. In a small town, it is interesting to note how interrelated people are. Somebody being related to so-and-so becomes a factor in such issues as this. There was a lot of turmoil with people in the community who thought it would be wonderful economically, another activity to offer; but what is good for one isn't always good for another. In every action taken, there is always the flip side, always unintended consequences or repercussions. We have always had compassion for how it negatively impacts other people, but we hoped for greater good for kids and families

The plan has proceeded. This is the third summer Tim's been working on the track. He's been doing it on his own, and has had a lot of rain to contend with, which not only delayed us but the people we were depending on for work beyond our capabilities. He purchased heavy equipment to keep expenses at a minimum. He has been alert in locating used fencing, lights, poles from buildings and old ball field materials. He's been gathering all of these things like a squirrel, saving them for a day when it will all come together. So much to be done — the drive­way, electricity, and water systems — many details; but we are far enough along it actually looks like a race track. Perhaps in 2010, we can officially open, the dream will come true, the future for our children.

We have another exciting feature — the web cam for area weather-watching is located on our property. Mary Ellen Kimball spearheaded this for Osceola nearly two years ago. It comes to us from Clarke Electric Cooperative and Channel 8, KCCI. When they assessed locations, they considered the downtown area or the high school grounds, but discovered Tim's shop on the hill is the highest point with a clear view of the western skies. We pay the electricity, it was installed free of charge for our community. It is usually aimed towards town, but they can turn it and occasionally it is pointing at my house. They often show Osceola on the evening news.

This is being written in late summer, 2009. It may seem surprising that at my age the opening of school is an exciting time. I will be volunteering again, and I love being around the children with all their exuberance and energy. I will substitute for Clarke Schools and in The Village pre-school classrooms out there. Some of the children have special needs. They particularly touch my heart. I have much to look back on and forward to.

I have spent my years as a mother providing valuable experiences for our sons. Summers and days away from school have focused on field trips, the Des Moines zoo, Historical Museum, the Science Center, IMAY films, aquatic centers, Living History Farms, bike trails and other excursions. Tim balanced this with his interests in various racing events, car shows and auto auctions. Together we all shared a love of water at Rathbun Lake. Over 16 years we have owned many motor crafts including two houseboats. Camping on the water — now, that's an experience! Our sons share the same passion. We still enjoy boating together and watching the boys on the water. Life is good! I have much to look back on and forward to.

In closing, this has been quite an experience working with Fern. More work than I had anticipated — it's difficult to "review" your own life. It's good to look back as we forge ahead. Fern is pleasantly tenacious in her pursuit of this edition. I now turn this over to her, with all its imperfections, just like me. Thank you, Fern, for making my story feel of value. When I am old, I hope to be as young as Fern.

Return to main page for Recipes for Living 2009 by Fern Underwood

Last Revised December 8, 2014